“The art of communication is not what you can hear being said from the other person’s mouth, but what you can feel from his heart and see in his eyes.”– Leah, age 15
Post #1 in this category. We recommend you read posts in numerical order.
When communicating with a child, assume they have a greater understanding than they may be able to convey through verbal language. Always check to be sure the child is connecting with you, is able to focus on the communication, has received the central message, and is able to deliver their central message to you.
Respect the child and communicate verbally and non-verbally with the child, and deliver your message, making sure they perceive and intuit at least some of what you say or do. They may not know all of the meaning and syntax, but they can make out some portion of your intention from the context, from the way you are saying it or doing it, from your verbal and non-verbal cues.
If the child seems not to understand, adjust how you speak and communicate. Change your tone, your pace, your words, your syntax, your emphasis, your gestures, but not your intention or your respect. Relate your communication to the relevant context, offer cues, give examples, and add what you know will be personally familiar and meaningful for this particular child at this particular time. Repeat with interesting variations, in this and in other contexts, not with impatience but with lighthearted clarity, slow down, add cues, give motivation and encouragement, and occasional humor.
Give the child time to process and to think. Time to respond in their own way.
Assume this child knows more than they are currently able to say or show. Difficulties in expression do not necessarily indicate an absence of understanding, intelligence, or know-how.
Delay or cognitive or communication errors may be a sign they were distracted or haven’t yet learned the prerequisites for decoding this information or for verbalizing their thoughts, feelings or intentions, or for performing the required actions. Be patient. Take your time. Communication is a two-way interaction. Give lots of time for responses. Don’t jump in too soon.
Assume that under the right conditions, you will be able to build a communicative, collaborative, reciprocal relationship, one based on trust, on shared interest and motivation because they want and need to communicate; to understand you, to express their needs, their feelings, their interests, their intentions.
Children want and need to share their observations, their desires, their experiences and their ideas. They want and need to succeed in two-way communication so they can connect with you, play with you and learn with you. The child needs to connect and to communicate with you as much as you need to connect and to communicate with them.
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