My apologies. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had the presence of mind to post on my blog. But now, slowly, my mind is returning to focus, and I am beginning to process my thoughts and emotions clearly enough to share them with you.

On June 23, the 17 of the Hebrew month of Sivan, my mother, blessed be her memory, passed away after suffering from a fall that resulted in a severe head injury. During the following weeks, her situation slowly deteriorated until she passed away nearly a month later.

Due to my cerebrospinal fluid leak from my brain surgery eleven years ago, I was unable to fly to America to be with my family throughout this difficult time.

Fortunately, today’s technology enabled me to be “virtually present” throughout her hospital stay and, eventually, her funeral. However, virtual presence does not resemble real-life experiences in these situations.

Sitting Shiva* far from most of the people who knew and loved her was a strange and difficult experience. Rather than hearing and sharing memories and stories about her life with others, I was telling them to others. It was both a lonely and unusual experience.

Her passing, alongside the ongoing and perhaps escalating war in Israel, was completely overwhelming. I felt as if I was in a daze and somewhat emotionally paralyzed.

A few weeks have passed since I finished sitting Shiva, and I have finally begun to process my emotions and organize my thoughts.

As the fog began to lift, words started to flow from my mind in jumbled and rambling prose that followed no rules or laws but somehow reflected my state of mind. I have decided to share them with you, as they are, in loving memory of my mother, Sheila Shulamit bat Hinda, z”l.

I hope you will find them meaningful.

*Shiva: In Judaism, a person mourning stays at home for a week, grieving, and family and friends visit to pay their condolences.

Long Distance Grief

For many years,
I lived with an underlying feeling of anticipation
That, perhaps,
When I called you,
You would have the strength and health
To pick up the phone.

Or that suddenly,
Out of the blue
You would reach out to me
To speak about the things you loved
Or share your thoughts on life.

Over the years,
We did our best
To stay in touch.
But sometimes,
Perhaps when things got too hard
I found myself waiting for weeks-
or months
Contemplating how you were.

As time went by
I learned to adjust
To living in a perpetual state
Of waiting, communicating, and anticipating
The days
When we were finally able
To meet on common ground.

But now
There is no more need to wait
Because I know
The only place
I will hear your voice is
Deep within the realms
Of my imagination.

May G-d bless you with eternal peace, Mom.
And may you know no more pain or sorrow.

I hope you’re finally at rest now
Reunited with those you cared for
And lost.
And that you’re surrounded by deep love, beauty,
And grace.

Thank you for all you did for us throughout our lives.
I know You always did your best
To care for us all.

I also hope that somehow,
Over the years,
You were able to understand
And maybe even forgive me
For listening to my soul
And moving to Israel
So many years ago.

Perhaps, if I am lucky
One day soon
You will surprise me
And visit me in my dreams
To share with me
All those unfinished thoughts
You took with you
To a world
Far truer than ours.

But until then, please know,
We will miss you
more than you ever imagined
It would be so.

And I give you my word
We will always try our best
To carry on and thrive,
Care for one another,
And bring a lot of good
Into this broken and painful world.

Thank you for taking the time to read these words. I wish you all good health, happiness, peace, and prosperity, and may G-d fill your wishes in the best manner for you.

Take good care, Jacki

***If you’d like to learn more about my book, read my blog, and sign up for my mailing list, I invite you to visit my website, https://www.jackisbooks.com/. I also invite you to forward this newsletter to anyone you feel will find it insightful and empowering.

If you have additional inquiries or want to book my presentation, “A Journey into the World of Neurodiversity,” please email me at jackiedrybooks@gmail.com.

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